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Categories: Preview episode from the G.L. Lambert Podcast Network. Weak Bitch Rehab spills all the tea sent in by readers like you! G.L. and his co-host break down an email and show you what to do in these messy situations. The only way to listen to full episodes is to subscribe at FarFromBasyc.com. To have your [...] |
Thanks for reading Preview: Weak Bitch Rehab Episode 1
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Categories: Tags: Premium Welcome to the debut episode of G.L. Lambert Explains It All. Kimber Shan joins G.L. Lambert to discuss the origins of Black Girls Are Easy & Far From Basyc. What it takes to be a Spartan and the best transformation stories of women who have gone from Placeholders to Game changers. ... This is Premium [...] |
Thanks for reading G.L. Lambert Explains It All Episode 1: This is Sparta!
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Categories: Tags: Premium Ready to hear some messy reader emails? This episode tells the story of a woman who made the mistake of dating a guy at work and the traumatic fallout after they had sex. Join G.L. and The Lovely Melissa as they give their take on what went wrong and list the Top 5 mistakes to [...] |
Thanks for reading Weak Bitch Rehab Episode 1: Top Dating Mistakes
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Categories: Sneak Preview of the biggest episode of the year! What’s the secret to successfully using dating apps? Tune in to the full episode on 3-5-20 ONLY @ FarFromBasyc.com |
Thanks for reading Preview – Date Like A Spartan Episode 1: Using Dating Apps The Right Way
If you never understood how an abuser could make a victim feel like the one in the wrong, then read the below email.
As you can see by that email I received, Mindfucking is alive and well. There are so many women in relationships who are being driven to insanity by toxic males who have figured out the greatest manipulation trick ever invented—Gaslighting. Push and Pull. Being hot and cold. Habitual lying. Twisting and re-framing reality. Turning people against you. Saying they want a woman that thinks and acts like you, only to try and change you. Doing you dirty, then making you think you’re the crazy one at fault…. These are only a few tactics used to break even the strongest women down to their most basic level until they become fearful, docile, and utterly dependent on their abuser. This defanging process happens so slowly that most women who I’ve talk to don’t even know they’re being gaslit until I point it out with specific examples from their own stories. Men are also victims of Gaslighting, but since I’m using examples from women who have shared their stories with me, I’ll aim it at the ladies…but trust, these methods will also help males.
What You Will Learn By The End: How do you spot this in your own relationship when you’re blinded by love and chained by loyalty? How do you escape a situation when you’ve been told you can’t do better? How do you guard against Gaslighting at the early stages of dating before you’re too far gone?
Keep reading, because you’re about to get a Spartan Crash Course in how to become immune to the games.
Too Good to Be True: The first 2-4 months of a relationship is where users bait and hook you. There’s a concept called “Love Language” a philosophy that dictates that everyone has a trigger that hits their internal wants and makes them feel loved. A lot of women need words of affirmation, quality time, or gifts to feel special. Players aka Dickticians sniff this out. Here you are coming from a relationship where a man never bought you shit or a family life where your parents never told you verbally how great you are. Now you’re presented with a man who is buying you small gifts starting with the second date. Who is complementing your intelligence and affirming this idea that despite your flaws you are special. What happens after a month of someone pushing all the right buttons in terms of this so-called Love Language? YOU FALL HEAD OVER HEELS QUICK! The fucked up thing is, you don’t know it’s a hustle. You’re not a stupid girl, but you are a naïve woman. 90% of the women I meet have holes they try to mask with ego. When a man pours what you assume is genuine love and affection into that hole, you drop your guard. You over-like him based on what he’s saying and doing, and from there you assume this is who he is—One of the Good Ones. Ignorant to the reality that you don’t know anyone until you put in real time vetting them.
After a Dicktictian hooks you with those first months of being too good to be true, the mask will slowly come off. Those sweet things slowly stop. He’s no longer dating you, he’s hanging out with you. In your mind, it’s all good because you don’t need to be courted, you’re past that. He’s no longer treating you to things just because, it’s either you having to ask or not at all. Again, you don’t care because in your mind he’s already proven he values you buy the shit he was doing in the beginning. The final transformation is in how he begins to talk to you. At first it was, “baby this baby that” now he has a short fuse with you, sucks his teeth, and always makes a side comment about how you act as if you’re the most annoying person in the world. At this point its months in, you’ve most likely had sex, you’ve told friends and family about how great he is, you’re posting about him on social media, and you won’t go back on all that praise just because he’s starting to act funny. Spoiler Alert: He’s not acting funny, he’s being his true self. The fact that you don’t make a big fuss about this or point out the change solidifies that his bait and hook worked. You are now primed for Gaslighting because you are blind to the red flags.
Bald Faced Lies: One of a woman’s favorite lines is, “I can’t stand liars” yet when you kick the tires of her relationships all the men she loved were big fucking liars. The next step in Gaslighting is to establish a world of Alternative Facts. Dickticians will lie straight to your face about stupid shit to test you. Are you the woman that will call out a lie and put her foot down, or will you let a lie go to avoid an argument? Don’t answer that, because the shit you say in your head is make believe. The real answer plays out like this…
Dick tells Jane that he’s going to bed early because he had a long day at work. Jane really wanted to see Dick that night, but she understands the need for sleep. Jane is up playing on IG and sees a video of Dick out having drinks with his friends. They’re turnt all the way up—what the fuck happened to needing sleep? Jane is pissed because Dick could have just said he was having a boy’s night and didn’t want to come over, he didn’t have to lie about it. Jane confronts Dick and Dick snaps at Jane like she’s the one in the wrong for blowing his day with nonsense. “So, I can’t go out? The fellas hit me when I was in bed, I didn’t want to go but it was Jeff’s birthday.” Jane knows Dick is full of it, but the way Dick came off—aggressive and annoyed, has bitch checked her. Jane doesn’t want to start a big beef with a man she’s head over hills with over something this silly. What does Jane do? You guessed it, she lets it slide.
When a woman lets an obvious lie slide, that tells the Manipulator that she’s weak and fearful. She’s so in love or in like at this stage that she would rather be lied to than to make that man angry aka This Basica Needs A Man More Than Honesty. Next it escalates. Dick goes places and turns his phone off then says he had no signal, yet Jane can see he’s liking IG pictures during that time. Dick will make an excuse about not having money to go on a date or to do an activity, but he will buy something he wants. Dick will go off and do what he feels then say, “Oh, I told you I was going out of town this weekend,” knowing damn well he didn’t, but will argue it until you’re like—damn did he tell me? Dick will even get caught going after other women, yet he will maintain that it was innocent, and Jane is the one that’s crazy. Through each of these lies, Jane gets mad, but she doesn’t leave. She threatens, but she doesn’t act. Proof for any man looking to control a woman, that you’re not a Spartan, you’re a Weakling.
Dick isn’t stupid, he knows how to hide his dirt, but he doesn’t want to. Ladies, this is where many of you fuck up. You think men are stupid, that they’re not hip to how to lie correctly—wrong. Dickticians know that you will find out, they want you to call them out, because by making you feel in the wrong they can get away with more. A woman who keeps taking a man back after a lie proves that she’s too far gone to ever leave him, which gives a user the confidence to do more dirt. In the end the Gaslighting works because you’re crying about honesty and he’s telling you you’re just paranoid. You suck it up and blame your trust issues for him having to lie, but he’s the asshole that’s created the trust issues by lying. See how that works? Genius, right?
Playing Dumb: Let’s say you figured out that this man you’re in love with is trying to play you for a fool and you bring receipts to call him out on the game he’s playing. The ultimate response to a woman that’s trying to break free of Gaslighting is to PLAY DUMB. The psychology of love dictates that the person with the strongest feelings doesn’t want to leave, they just want things to go back to how they once were. Meaning that mentally, even though you’re calling him out for his lies or actions, you don’t really want to lose him. By playing dumb a User gives you an out to stay with the devil you know.
Example, Dick gets caught taking another girl to the movies. Not only did Jane find two ticket stubs, she saw the girl post something online about “when bae makes date night special” …da fuck!? Dick is caught red handed so he goes on the defensive, “That’s Ben’s cousin he was supposed to go but couldn’t, so I did him a favor.” The lie doesn’t really work, so he keeps going, “If I knew it would hurt you I would have said no, I didn’t know she would post online like it was a date.” Then the last step is to shift blame. “You know how these bitches are, they’re messy and love to ruin relationships.” By playing ignorant to the act of dating then pretending he didn’t know how it would make his girl feel he paints himself out to be just a foolish man-child who deserves pity not scolding. Most women are smart enough to see this trick when it’s someone else going through it, however they buy it when their own relationship is on the line. Maybe he is dumb… Yes, girls are trifling… why not give him a second chance just in case… Dick wins by playing dumb because the Gaslighting has already taken hold. This is a good man, who just got fooled, and she would now be the stupid one to break up over something that can be corrected…or so she thinks.
Using Your Past Against You: Ladies, what do you do when a man sweeps you off your feet? …besides reward him by throwing epic neck? You overshare. It’s so easy to drop your guard when someone is speaking your Love Language and fulfilling your fantasy of what a real man should be. Being comfortable leads to confessions. You talk about your ex boyfriends, your childhood, your dreams and your regrets all on deeper levels than you did during the first few dates because he’s earned your life story. Cheating or being cheated on, abuse or drug use in your family, friends that betrayed you and friends who you still have but don’t really trust—it’s all laid out. Asking you about your wild college days, if you ever had a one night stand, if you ever kissed a girl, the times your family let you down, it sounds innocent, like he’s trying to get to know you better but he’s doing recon. A Dicktician listens for the embarrassing parts of your life story, the shit you’re still sad about, or the past events that still define you. I’ve met women who used to strip or who are bisexual tell me some fucked up tales about how guys were cool with it at first, then began to call them everything from dykes to prostitutes months later. These type of men file your stories away as ammunition, and you have no idea what’s coming until the insults start to fly.
Let’s go back the woman above who wrote me that email. She cheated in high school, a teenage mistake that most people make. In her mind she did a bad act that Karma would come around and make her pay for. A lot of you feel this way, you make mistakes and in some fucked up Judeo-Christian way of thinking swear you must pay for your past with present misery. In comes her boyfriend, who knew the way to keep her obedient was to remind her that she was a cheater, that she still had to make amends, and treat him like a God because a cheater like her doesn’t really deserve him. Think about this! It’s mental warfare and few women can see through it! Next up he pointed out her history of being physically abused by the father of her child. Psychologically she’s now thinking, “Did I deserve it? Did I cross the line and need to be hit? If I were a man I would hit me too.” Her boyfriend was breaking down her walls of self-confidence, making her see herself not as a woman worthy of respect, but as a loud mouth brat who deserved to be taken down a notch… and it worked.
Highlighting Your Insecurities: Now that your life story is exposed to scrutiny the next step in Gaslighting is ripping open your insecurities. The compounding attack of “look at your fucked up life and all the things you caused to happen” mixed with “Look at how much better other people are than you,” is a deathblow to a woman’s self-esteem. Let’s face it, everyone has something they’re not happy with about themselves, many people have multiple things. When you ignore your insecurities, they fester and when someone points them out, it triggers anxiety or depression. The only way to rise above either is to do the work internally to fix yourself before someone exploits you. Easier said than done, because at the root of these issues is the thought that maybe you are weak, stupid, ugly, fat, annoying, basic, or whatever it is that you’re running from.
Gaslighting isn’t fueled by lies, it’s fueled by half-truths that they twist into full truths to force you into a sunken place. Back to Dick and Jane. Jane’s last boyfriend broke her heart and ended up married to another woman within a year of their breakup. Jane obsessed over this for months, and even created a fake page to stalk the other woman. Jane’s attractive, but she’s honest enough to say that this new girl is more attractive. Jane kept this to herself until one night she confessed it to Dick. Dick affirmed that she doesn’t need to compete with other women, that’s she’s a ten in his eyes—all game. What Dick did once Jane’s insecurity was revealed was to start reminding Jane how other girls looked in comparison. Music Videos, magazines, even the waitress bringing their food—she’s really pretty (aka prettier than you). Jane of course internalized that. Besides physical looks, the other tool is to compare the weakened woman with someone that’s doing better. You’re not as far along in your career as his ex-girlfriend. You don’t really have as much money as girls your same age. You’re still trying to figure out life, while other women are buying homes or forming companies. It’s a chess game, that will have a woman questioning her worth.
When Jane starts to mouth off or stands up for herself, how does Dick break her down? Bitch Checks: You’re putting on weight. Do you really need to be eating that? I see why your ex left you for that other chick. Why do you wear so much makeup? That dress isn’t flattering. What’s your IQ, you say some really dumb things. All you do is gossip and play on the internet. Nobody wants you but me… Remember these things are said over time, sometimes months apart, but they chip away until a woman feels fat, ugly, and dumb. By the time the relationship is in full swing, Jane feels she can’t leave because Dick will turn around and do what her last man did, give another more deserving woman the ring.
The Best Apologies: A man should apologize by changing his behavior, not by flapping his gums. Promises don’t mean shit and “sorry” isn’t worth the oxygen it takes to say it. Yet, when you’re being Gaslighted common sense goes out the window because you want to believe you can go back to the beginning. He will treat you like it’s your first month of dating and hit those Love Language triggers. You go from blocking him, to lifting your hips up while he slides your panties off for make up sex. Now you feel glowy inside and ride that wave until the next time he blows up on you. Dickticians know you don’t want to start over with a new man, all you want to do is feel loved again by the same man that you’re comfortable with, and this is why they kiss ass so well. Gifts, flowers, surprise dates, calling your family or friends to tell them how you feel, posting affirmations of love publicly. You’re taught that these things mean that a person has changed, but that’s the miseducation of living in a world full of Basicas. A person doesn’t change overnight! Materialistic gifts or shallow out pours are done to stroke your ego. If he truly gave a fuck about you, he would be having discussions about why he did what he did, not trying to nod along and get you to sweep it under the rug.
Using Your Friends/Family Against You: The mask that a Manipulator wore when he first courted you still comes out when he’s trying to get something from you, apologize for something he did, or when company is around. When a man buddies up to your mother or grandmother to the point where he’s going out of his way to do favors for them, you must keep a watchful eye on that relationship. Users know that when things get rough women vent to their girlfriends and whatever maternal figure is available. The girlfriends are easy marks because all he has to do is let you show off. If he buys you things or takes you somewhere exotic, you’re going to tell your girls, they’ll envy it, and think he’s a catch. If you talk about leaving him, they’ll think you’re crazy because he did so much for you. I’ve heard variations of, “Girl ain’t nothing out here, you better work through it with a man that looks out for you,” numerous times, and it works at guilting a woman to stay! Thus, a manipulators job is done without having to say a word.
With family members, it takes more effort to win them over. I once met a woman whose boyfriend paid for her mother and aunt to go back to Jamaica via a cruise. When she tried to break up with him, she talked to her mother who usually had great advice. This time she was tainted, because moms are humans with egos too. Her mother brow beat her about all the bums she’s dated, threw her daddy issues in her face, and said she was trying to get rid of a good man because she didn’t know what to do when someone was too nice. Of course, this woman stayed for another several months, and ended up finally leaving after he nearly strangled her to death. The point is, watch how they move, and always question their motivation for buttering the ass of your friends and family.
Isolating You: Another Gaslighting trick is to get you away from your support system all together so you don’t have anyone chiming in when they see or are told about red flags. In MDLWLY I wrote about the importance of group dates or at least hanging out with other people early in the relationship. When other people ask questions, make jokes, or chime in with opinions around your boyfriend it forces him to react on the spot in ways he can’t with you. Guys with tempers or attention whores can’t stand when they’re not the center of your attention and you will see a shift. Guys who are looking to talk down to you or control you, won’t say anything in mixed company they’ll wait until the drive home, and that’s usually a sign that he’s not who he seemed one on one.
What a man attempting to Gaslight you does is skip all the social stuff so it’s always one on one. When it’s just you two and he has an overpowering personality, he can get his way. Everyone else in your life is a liar or jealous. His ideas don’t make sense, but when it’s just you he can convince you to do it. He’s asking for favors that make you feel nervous like loans or putting things in his name. If you were asking the advice of others you may think twice, but when it’s just you two, he makes it make sense until you do it. Follow me? When you live in a bubble where a man is the one creating your reality that he’s the only one that loves you and your friends and family are all out to bring you down, you stop thinking for yourself and become his puppet. There’s no outside opinion or going for help because he’s made it so that your friends think you’re fake and your family thinks you turned your back on them. Divide and Conquer—works every time.
Reminding You How Great They Are: Narcissist love to remind you about everything they’ve done to you, from the drink they brought on the second date to the time they came and picked you up from the airport. The narrative in their story is that they’re the hero saving you, the poor helpless peasant, from a world of rival men who used to fuck you and fallback. You’re not that smart, you’re not that pretty without makeup, and your career is going nowhere. They’re the one that sees something in you, they’re the ones looking out for you, they could do better than you, but they stick it out. The words “appreciate” and “be grateful” are a manipulators favorite go to lines. All of these things are throw in your face subtly at first, then it increases every time you step out of line or dare to start an argument.
Example, Jane tells Dick that she feels that he’s growing distant and that their relationship has hit a road block. Dick doesn’t want to lose his puppet so he Dr. Strange’s that shit and goes into the past: He tells her how he used to take her out to all those fancy places. He mentions the money or gifts he gave her. He then points out how her friends are single and jealous. Then the icing on top is to compare himself to all the other men out there. “I’m not out here cheating on you like Kim’s boyfriend, am I? Name one man who’s done half of what I’ve done for you since we’ve been together? You want to be back on Tinder dating a bunch of clowns?” Jane is now scared straight because Dick uses the example that the grass isn’t greener to keep her right in his fucking yard like the obedient bitch he has trained her to be. The sad thing is it works.
Guilting: I didn’t do it, but if I did you deserved it. That never happened, stop making shit up… okay so it happened, but it’s because you did such and such to me first. I don’t tell you anything because you always overreact. Your attitude all goes back to your mother and father’s relationship. The moment a man deflects his negative actions by pointing out something you do then the writing is on the wall that you need to walk away. The only Baecation these bums are going to ever take you on is a Guilt Trip. Argument after argument they will wear you down with “Okay I did that, but you do this,” until you start to believe you’re the reason for your own unhappiness and they’re just innocent bystanders. Guilt is also a tool used when you threaten to break up or leave. “I’m going to kill myself, and you don’t even care.” Or “You’re going to let everything we built end like this? I knew you never loved me.” And finally, the ultimate weapon, “You must have someone else on the side, that’s why you can leave me so easily.” Men are hip to the core of the guilt game—Women don’t want to hurt or abandon those they love so they hold tight even as that person drags them under.
Ghosting: When a woman is too head strong, too independent, too hard to break, or suddenly tries to Spartan Up on a Dicktician there is one last Gaslighting tactic that works—The Fallback. What do women covet most of all? Transparency. The reason the average girl chases after guys that reject them more than guys that ride their clits is because of a need to know, “Why don’t you want me like everyone else?” When a man doesn’t text back after a date—what went wrong what did I do? When a man doesn’t reach out after sex—what went wrong was I not good? When a man you’re dating becomes distant and doesn’t communicate as frequently—what is going on, did I do something? It’s always YOU YOU YOU. Women race to take accountability for turning a man off, never realizing that it’s not them, some guys are just assholes that never wanted them from the jump. In a relationship where a man has built up equity, Ghosting is a great way to tighten his grip on your mind. Falling back could be the result of an argument or I could be the culmination of you stepping out of the weak role he’s trap you in, regardless of the reason, it goes a little something like this…
Jane hasn’t been texted all day by Dick, so she calls, no answer. Dick does the same thing the next day, so Jane panics and reaches out, this time with anger. Ah-ha! Now Dick can respond back, “That’s the problem, you always overreacting. I need time to myself.” See, boys and girls, the name of the game is to wait for the other person to paint themselves as the bad guy by being hostile. That way you can point it out on the spot and play the victim. Next Jane reaches out with an apology. She’s had time to think, and she did overreact, so she asks for his forgiveness and thinks they should meet and talk. At this point a normal dude would rush back in, but when you’re Gaslighting a woman, it’s not about speed it’s about bringing her to her knees, so she will never rebel again. Dick maintains that he needs time and Jane should respect that. At this point Jane could react by talking to other men or focusing on work in order to stop thinking about him, but none of that will work. As I laid out above, a woman must know what she did wrong or her anxiety will drive her crazy. It’s no longer about the argument or her snapping, she’s fearful that this man she’s fallen for doesn’t want her anymore because she hasn’t been a good enough girlfriend.
Sound familiar? So many women claim, “I’m the best kind of girlfriend,” but, they don’t know if they’re wifey material until a man wifes them. When a guy Ghosts it cuts deep into their ego that they don’t have what it takes to keep a man. The Ghosted woman will lose all pride and dignity and virtually beg for a man to come back or let him come back without any explanation for his actions because she can’t take rejection on that level. In the end, Dick is back in Jane’s life, and this time she’s even more subservient because Dick proved that he can live without her, but she can’t live without him.
The Early Stage: Some of you will read through these signs and think, “fuck it, I’ll just be content with my showerhead and Kindle, men play too many games,” but that’s not the solution. You deserve to be loved and you will find love, but you have to be Spartan enough to play this game like a Goddess not a little girl that just wants to get married. Dating isn’t a race, it’s an interrogation. I’ve filled books with this stuff, so I won’t dwell. The overall idea is to take it slow with each man you date, especially those that jump out the gate as too good to be true. Even if you aren’t dating multiple men, you should never be so consumed by one man that you give him the impression that you are his for the taking. Manipulators don’t waste time with women that are too difficult to hustle or who don’t have a deep want for attention. Meaning that those first few months of him wearing that mask is a result of seeing something in you during those first few dates that tell him you’re a mark, so frontload your first few dates and show him you’re not the one to be toyed with nor some bird looking for a “daddy” to love.
A male User knows the signs of a woman looking desperately for love the same way a woman using Ho Tactics knows when a mark is ripe for the picking. Most people wear their insecurities on their sleeves and don’t even know it. Your attitude, your opinions, the way you kiss at the end of a first date, the fake-ass playing hard to get stuff you do before sex, it’s all typical of a weak woman. Know yourself. Know the signs of Gaslighting. Ask questions. Make a man work…then make him work some more. Point out Red Flags in the moment, not days later. Challenge a man’s opinions on things, don’t just nod along. If he tries to guilt you, tells a bald faced lie, or attempts to make you feel confused about what he said, then that’s a sign that you need to walk away. I don’t care how handsome he is, how much money he has, or who recommended him as a good guy. He will test you early to see what he can get away with, so don’t give him the satisfaction. If he sees you’re more work than expected and that you’re not some timid Basica thirsty for love, he will fallback. This is the ultimate goal with all men, either they hold up to your interrogation and prove themselves or they walk away. Don’t just focus on what they’re saying, the actions have to match their words, and I’m not just talking about hollow shit like good morning texts and pulling out your chair on a date. In a given three week period are they walking like they were talking on day one? Stop trying to make it easy for men to date you, stop trying to turn down your attitude, stop trying to be less picky! Dare any man who wants you to put in work to get you. “I’ll be alone forever if I don’t play the part of a doormat,” are the kinds of women that get fucked over on a regular basis. You are a fucking Spartan, you don’t impress easy.
The Late Stage: Some of you just realized you’re in a fucked up relationship. Congratulations, knowing is half the battle, but you’re not out of the woods yet. Months, even years of psychological torture and condition can’t be overturned in a day. The ball is now in your court to break free. The first step is seeing this man as DICK, a user, a manipulator, an abuser not as a human being. Only monsters prey on someone’s loving nature to gain control over them. This idea that he’s your baby, a nice guy, a good husband, a wonderful provider, a loving father, or whatever else he’s gotten you to label him as is counterproductive to your emancipation. He’s the villain! Dehumanize him so you won’t fall into any of his emotional traps. If you continue to see the nice guy inside of him, you’ll hold out hope for change. Which brings me to the next step. Know that change isn’t coming. So many women come to me with “how do we go back to the way it was,” and 98% of the time the stories they share, show that this man is incapable of real change only pockets of playing nice until it’s time to be normal again. Accept that it’s over. Accept that what you once had was a mirage. Those good times, that fantasy that almost came true was a hustle.
The final step, at least for now, is to physically separate yourself from your abuser. You may not be able to just pick up and leave if you live together or have children together, but you can start the process of telling him that it’s gone from a relationship to co-habituating until one of you can move on permanently. For the rest of you it really is as easy as blocking him, telling friends not to talk to him, and ignoring his advances if he pops up. These men won’t give up without a fight which makes this difficult. They will push your buttons in all the ways listed above to remind you that you’re a piece of shit and that you can’t do better. PUSH THROUGH IT! They will try to sweet talk you and buy their way back. PUSH THROUGH IT! They will play reverse psychology games and show up with new girls trying to throw her in your face. PUSH THROUGH IT! The biggest insecurity will be your continued fear of failing, of having made the wrong choice by ending it with this man who swore he was your savior. Fuck him! No man of this earth is your fucking savior! You save yourself in this fairy tale! Push him out of your life, don’t back down, don’t crack, and stick to your guns!
Remember when Kelly Rowland dropped “Dirty Laundry” and people were in shock that she allowed that kind of abuse to go on? That type of shock is a result of ignorance towards Gaslighting. It’s not just a buzzword used for movies and shitty novels about revenge, it’s a real-world epidemic where it doesn’t matter how rich, how pretty, or how smart you are, if a man sinks his claws in early on you’re fucked. There will be some people who read this and feel that if a woman allows this kind of treatment that’s on her–bullshit. Some people are predisposed to predatory behavior because they have low self esteem or come from a broken home, but it’s never YOUR FAULT. No one asks to be emotionally exploited or deserves to be mentally compromised.
There are narcissistic men out here who feed off women in weakened or desperate states because they crave power over someone who won’t fight back. It’s not bad luck, it’s not men in general, it’s not about you being too stupid to notice, Gaslighting is a calculated con game perpetrated by insecure little men who sweep you off your feet, pinpoint your insecurities, then slowly break you down until you feel like you deserve to be treated like shit. That’s what get’s their dicks hard, a broken woman that now needs him to survive. Never lose yourself in pursuit of a man’s love! No one is so Unicorn rare that you sacrifice your sanity to keep things afloat. The moment you notice them lying, bringing up your past, deflecting his issues in order to point out your flaws, or flat out questioning your sanity, you must step away. Users who prey on women know that many of you are damaged by past relationships and that you secretly blame yourself for things that you had no control over. They use your paranoia, guilt, and regret to build themselves as your last hope for happiness. Fuck that!
Everyone has moments of weakness and self-doubt; those times don’t define you. Strength is built over time, setback by setback, and as you learn, you grow. The key is to face your faults, not wallow in them! You are born to be a Spartan, you will shed the skin of the past, and in the end, you will look back at the woman you used to be, not with regret but with gratitude. The process of discovering your power through the wisdom of experience is never a cakewalk. Embrace your evolution, Queen and know that while a man may bend you mentally, he doesn’t have the power to break you!
To download my books click here and Spartan Up!
Thanks for reading Ghosting, Guilting, and other Mind Games – How To Guard Against Gaslighting
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Categories: Tags: Premium On this episode we hear from a woman in a love triangle with her boyfriend and his best friend. G.L breaks down the story and discuss which man she should choose. Listen Now! ... This is Premium Content. Click THIS LINK to sign up for access to Far From Basyc+ and continue... Current members login [...] |
Thanks for reading Weak Bitch Rehab Ep. 2 – I’m In Love With My Boyfriend’s Best Friend
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Categories: A preview of the latest episode of G.L. Lambert Explains It All. Download the full episode on 3-30-20 Only @ https://farfrombasyc.com/glpodcast |
Thanks for reading Master Class Ep. 1 Preview – Spartan Up With The Law of Attraction
Picture this: After all the ups and downs of dating, you find someone who immediately gets you, puts their energy into winning you over, bombards you with the kind of attention you’ve always craved, then just as sudden as a car crash, they turn on you. Their mood shifts. Everything is about what you’re not doing right, every comment is meant to guilt or trigger you, communication is like pulling teeth, and just when you find the power to walk away, they shame you into staying. You don’t want to give up on them like everyone else; you want to fix them, prove yourself, and get back to the good times. What you don’t know is that these hot and cold characteristics are the new normal. Narcissists hate you, but they won’t let go because they love the strength they draw from your weakness.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD): A personality disorder characterized by a long-term pattern of exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, and a lack of empathy toward other people.
Many of you have dated, are dating, or are in full-blown relationships with a narcissist. The fucked-up thing is that 90% of these people don’t get diagnosed. To them, it’s just how they are, and it’s a gift, not a curse. They’re smarter than everyone, are going to make more money than everyone, and if you can’t accept that, then you’re just too dumb to recognize greatness. Some of you have never heard the clinical term, so what you think is just a moody and entitled boyfriend or an egotistical girlfriend, is a person who needs to be in therapy, not a relationship. Ignorance is never bliss. Everyone goes through relationship problems at some point, but when you chase someone who has a mental disorder, the typical dating gimmicks don’t apply. You think it’s about you, and what you’re not doing, as opposed to their damage, and try to work it out in all the ways you were taught. You set boundaries, threaten them with ultimatums, and attempt to prove that you’re not like the rest, blind to the fact that they will continue to break your heart because you can’t cure narcissism with love. Today I want to share with you some tell-tale signs that you’re dating a narcissist and show you a way to come out on top.
Those who read this site or have studied my books know that I call out your flaws in a very loud manner to shake you out of your basic mindset. The internal work everyone must do is to stop living on autopilot, sit still, and cut to the heart of their problems. All trauma starts in childhood. A man or woman can’t exploit you unless you have a preexisting insecurity. What’s your preexisting insecurity? That’s not rhetorical. Answer it right now in your head before you continue.
Daddy Issues: Your father wasn’t present in your life or if he was didn’t shower you with attention. No matter if you didn’t think about it much or if you and your father were able to mend fences later, that damaged never healed. You want to feel special to a man, you want to prove you’re good enough, you want to rewrite the past by using the present as to say, “Look, I have value, don’t leave me.”
Mommy Issues: Mothers typically run the homes, and when a father isn’t there, that spirals into a dictatorship. You love your mother, but you despise her attitude. She’s petty, a know-it-all, constantly reminding you what you could be doing better…but at the same time, she’s all you have. She’s a weak woman working through her own trauma who has developed a toxic way of parenting, but you don’t call it out, you just slowly morph into her.
Physical Hang-ups: No matter how you look, someone will find something to label as a flaw. For women, this cuts a lot deeper. This world has made it evident that females are only as valuable as their looks. Correction, as valuable as how closely your looks resemble the mainstream media beauty standard during the time you grew up. Maybe your body isn’t built like Rogue from the X-Men. Your hair isn’t a particular texture. Your nose isn’t a specific shape. Your complexion isn’t what men of the 80s or 90s celebrated. The result? You grew up looking for workarounds to make yourself more attractive, not to today’s world, but to the world that told you that everything about you was either fat, skinny, ugly, or average.
Abuse: No one talks about abuse openly, and if someone dares to ask about it, they don’t go deep enough to explain to you that it wasn’t your fault. The result? You live with it, you find a way to justify it, and as the memory folds into your permanent psyche, you silently start to hate yourself for not confronting the issue. You think it’s too late to get help, so it festers. Now you walk around splintered, one side has to put on a happy face and play a role, the other is still dying inside searching for someone or something to take the pain away.
The list of insecurities can go on for pages, and people often have more than just one. No matter what insecurities are at work inside of you, the lasting effect is this feeling that you’re not worthy of love. Some of you settle for people who also have low self-worth, while others try to latch onto approval from those you see as trophies or alphas. I routinely advise women who preface their personalities with shallow titles or accolades in an attempt to prove that they’re special. “G.L. I have this job, make this much, and drive this car…” Those things aren’t to brag; they’re to say, “Look at me, I achieved, so that makes me worthy now.” Your job title, the home you own, nor the things you can buy makes up for the insecurities you still feel from childhood trauma. You put a ban-aid on a mental issue, and that’s why nothing you have has made you happy.
The most damaged people are often the most empathetic. No matter how rough your life has been, you believe in loyalty, honesty, and optimism. Although you don’t have confidence in yourself, you have faith in the concept that you will find someone to love you. Religion, astrology, or spiritual concepts hit harder when you lack true self-esteem. Some higher power reminding you that there’s a way out or a formula where the negative will soon become positive, keeps hope alive. This mentality is the foundation that a narcissist sniffs out. They prey on your empathy, superstition, or faith. You want a soul mate, so they show you all the ways they’re compatible. You want someone that speaks your love language, and they prove they’re fluent. A horoscope or card reader told you this month would be huge for you, and here they come mirroring that they also were told the same thing. It all seems destined… Ha! They’re con artists taking notes, feeding you what you want to hear, and doing the basic things you assume prove love. Your empath nature makes you naïve, your longing for companionship makes you thirsty, and your quest for validation makes you a perfect candidate to be victimized.
Someone with a narcissistic personality disorder has obvious red flags that you won’t see as red flags because they hide them behind traits we often see as admirable. They’re overly confident to the point of cockiness. They have an inflated sense of self-importance. They have stories about how others envy them, which proves that they’re doing something right. Think about these traits in terms of dating. When you go on a date, you have a mental checklist of things you want to hear. You date to see if a person has their life together, if they’re ambitious, achieving, and someone that brings something to the table besides looks. A first date is perfect for a narcissist because they can tell you what they’ve done, the companies they’ve worked for, name drop famous or influential people they’ve met, and then launch into visionary ideas that make them seem like the next Elon Musk.
First date bragging is organic, not random, which is why it flies under the radar. In my books, I preach vetting because it’s how you knock a bullshit artist off their square, but most of you don’t practice what I write. Instead, you listen, you feed in, and you feel honored that someone with so much going on seems so into you. Let’s be honest; you don’t see yourself as the trophy. Instead, you crave the validation of a winner seeing you as interesting enough to keep dating. Once a person impresses you, the goal becomes “I hope they want to go on a second date,” and because you’re looking at the small picture, you don’t see how self-absorbed this person is or any other red flags. Here are some things to keep in the front of your mind when scouting for a narcissist.
-Self Assured Know It All: Narcissists want to convince you they’re the smartest people in the room. Every conversation topic you bring up, they’ll discuss as if it’s a competition. You went to Vegas; they went to Greece. You don’t like the way politics are going; they have insider information on how the world is really run. You’re trying to eat vegetarian; they’re giving you data on why that may not be as good for as you think. They can jump on any topic with the certainty of an expert. For those of you who usually date inarticulate people or nervous introverts, this doesn’t come across as cocky; it comes across as powerful and charming. Here’s a person that (seemingly) knows what they’re talking about and is discussing deeper topics than how long you’ve worked at your job and your favorite album. Being (fake) deep is a turn on because you like to think of yourself as an intellectual as well.
-Love Blitz: Narcissists require constant praise and attention. What these people are hiding is a very low self-esteem. They’re frauds, they’re bullshit artists, and they know it. The fuel they require to fight these thoughts off comes in the form of someone they’re dating thinking highly of them. For you to go from a person who didn’t text back often or hated the phone to a person that’s constantly texting and wants to sit on the phone with you, feels like night and day. It’s only been a week, and it feels like forever. That’s not chemistry or proof of compatibility, that’s being love blitzed by a person that’s an emotional vampire. A narcissist wants to talk for hours, they want to see you multiple times throughout the week, but most importantly, they want an audience to listen to how great they are on any given day.
-Of Like Minds: Narcissists study great people, they obsess over celebrity, and they feel a deep sense of jealousy. Jealous people hide their insecurity by claiming others are jealous of them. The inability to empathize creates this mind frame where they assume everyone is as petty as they are. In their minds, they are Diddy mixed with Bill Gates, and rivals want to stop their ascension. When dating, this works in your favor as they’re going to paint you as similar to them. You’re a go-getter too, you’re a deep thinker too, you’re a person on the rise too. They aren’t flattering you because they see something special; narcissists are so self-absorbed that they project what they want to see in themselves into you. Nevertheless, when it’s presented to you under the umbrella of romantic bonding, you buy into this idea that you are twin flames. Finally, someone believes in your potential, but if you pay close attention, it’s never about the details of your life, it’s about them and their potential, they’re just adding you in for decoration.
-No True Friends: Narcissists don’t have many friends. They may have people from work they know, maybe relatives they talk to, but they don’t have that true best friend or group of friends to lean on. This is why they can pour so much attention into you even at the dating stage; you’re all they have in terms of a social bond. Why is this? Anyone who has known a narcissist for over a year has figured out their agenda. These vampires don’t compromise, do favors, or want to hang without them being the center of attention. In response, friends dry up rather than deal with a selfish asshole.
Honey Turns To Glue: What makes someone an egomaniac on the surface? How others treat them. That tall handsome guy that looks like he used to play ball knows women like you are going to be on his dick just based on his looks, so he acts cocky because he perceives himself as a trophy and women treat him like one. That young woman who gets a hundred thousand likes with every picture she drops knows that the social media obsess want to be her friend, so of course she brags and acts entitled. Money or the perception of money is an even bigger magnet than looks or status. No matter how many people say, “None of that stuff matter, it’s how you treat me,” the success of narcissism proves that to be false in most cases. A narcissist sucks you in by leading with their charm, their looks, their popularity, or their wealth. They act like you’re in an exclusive club, they do small things to make you jealous like show you who else is texting them or how an ex is trying to get back with them. It’s all a show. If you’ve been waiting for someone that looks 10 out of 10, someone that’s known and powerful, someone that has the world figured out, or someone with money, you aren’t going to walk away the moment their true colors shine through. They’re going to remind you that they’re rare, remind you that you’re not so rare, and if your dating options are limited, that threat becomes a glue.
Turning Red Flags White: Within the first month of dating a narcissist, you’ll begin to see the warning signs. You have friends; a narcissist doesn’t, so they’ll try to guilt you about hanging out so much. Some of you enjoy “clingy love” because you’re dealing with Daddy Issues or past abandonment, where the ones you wanted the most didn’t want you at all. To have this narcissist pout about spending more time with you strokes your battered ego. What a Spartan would see as a Red Flag, you see as cute and proof of a deep interest in you. Another clear sign is how they choose to listen. In the case of a narcissist, they listen only to piggyback on your problems with their issues or their brilliant solutions. Work drama conversation turns to their work drama and what they plan on doing. Family issues turn to their ideology on family and friends and why you don’t need them. Narcissists never ask follow-up questions about you, how you’re feeling, or asks you to expand upon your thoughts. They instead take your anger and replace it with their agenda. Not once do you stop and think, “this motherfucker just made it about them…again.”
The Slow Abuse: Let’s talk about insults. Everyone reading this knows what slander looks like, they know what shade sounds like, and they know what a backhanded compliment feels like. If someone on the internet takes a shot at you, it’s clear as day. When your mother takes a shot at you, it’s masked, but you still get the point. During the dating stage or new relationship stage with a narcissist, insults have silencers attached to them. A woman says, “Babe, I think I’ll get the chicken club.” The man replies, “You’re the last one that needs all that bread. Get the salad.” Said calm, and between the two, this insult about weight goes unnoticed. Said with another person around, it stands out. This happened to me once. A guy said those words to his girlfriend, and I reacted with an audible, “Wow, really?” which caused her to speak up. I found out after they broke up that he routinely said little things like that to her that slowly made this 120-pound woman think she was still that chubby little girl that used to get teased.
Remember that narcissists insult you in a way where it’s conversational and triggers things that you already believe about yourself. “This is why the people at work don’t like you,” “This is why you’ll never get that business off the ground,” “Wow, you really put on all that makeup?” “Damn, are you going to eat all of that?” “I see why your mother treats you like that…” Anything that jabs you about things you already feel guilty about is the key to priming you for gaslighting. In Men Don’t Love Women Like You, I call these Bitch Checks, but it doesn’t matter if it’s a man or a woman; the point is to slowly but surely make you doubt yourself. Each month they go deeper and get more personal. After a year with this kind of person, you’re in a full-blown emotionally abusive relationship where everything you do is wrong, and every mistake you ever made in your life is thrown back in your face. Little did you recognize that it started very early because back then, it seemed innocent.
The Reminders: They’re going to be great, and you’re going to be nothing. They’re going to go on to find someone better looking, who was raised properly, and knows how to be a team player. Meanwhile, you’re going to go back to dating idiots, hanging with your loser friends, and end up depressed and regretful. It’s easy to say, “Fuck you, pussy. I don’t need this!” when it’s not happening to you. For someone to sink their claws into an already damaged psyche, make you feel loved, wanted, like a part of a team, only to remind you that you’ll never be truly loved— it hurts!
You don’t break up with a narcissist cold turkey if you have a litany of insecurities because you don’t believe in your self-worth enough for a breakup to stick. The only reason you were feeling better about your life was due to their part in it, which means that your self-worth is tied to a narcissist who has weaponized your lack of self-esteem. Argue back, read a book, listen to a lecture, talk to a friend, but none of those things will empower you after they convinced you that you are indeed nothing without them. Understand that narcissist exist on every social-economic level, and some of their traits can lead to them attaining the money, power, and success. No matter if it’s a wealthy narcissist who dangles money or connections over your head, or a broke one who is using you because you have a place he can stay and a car he can use, the mindfuck is all the same—you’re never going to do better than me.
A woman once told me about her boyfriend, who was trying hard to be a fashion designer. He inspired her to start modeling again, boosted her self-esteem, encouraged her to get a job at a fashion house part-time, and then failure after failure he took it all out on her. It was torture. My advice was to leave. She tried for a week, then he hit her with how he had gotten a famous singer to wear one of his shirts. He was glad to move on, and he reminded her that she should remember this mistake when he’s a household name, and she’s still an ugly skinny bitch with a drug addict mother. She went back to him and has gone back to him several times since then.
It’s not about “that bitch is dumb,” it’s about the want to belong. When you don’t know what love looks like; someone wanting to control you feels the same as them needing you. Narcissists confuse you, play the victim, and lure you back into a state of weakness because they know your past is filled with pain and your present is filled with a want to belong. Recognize that you are not the problem, that you are worthy of more, and that the cycle can be broken. The road back requires you to love yourself even if no one else ever has, so remind yourself every day that you are loved.
The Chase: Walk away. Ghost them. Have a friend break the news. Whatever you have to do to escape this level of asshole, do it… That’s the advice you’re going to get from anyone with a brain. What they’re not considering is that even once you find the strength to break up, a narcissist goes nuclear with the one thing you still want—their love. Remember that these people have manic episodes, they get really high and really low. To break up, even if you mean it, registers as a game. A narcissist doesn’t have empathy for the way you feel, but they do understand that making you happy will put them back in the driver’s seat, so they not only play along, they overdo it to recapture your mind.
Most of you break up and then search the internet for “how to get them back.” Playing this game with a narcissist is dangerous as all those gimmicks that dating gurus give you like “write them a letter” “make them jealous” blah blah blah, provides a narcissist with a roadmap. Flowers, fancy dates, surprises, no temper tantrums—they can play that role for a month, if not more. Basic ass advice about how to make someone change will seem like it worked—and then the same patterns slowly reform.
Ladies, you don’t need a guy who disrespects you, gaslights you, and won’t even discuss what’s causing his behavior to take you on a date or buy you shit. Those things don’t save a relationship, they waste time until the next argument. Fellas, you don’t need a woman who is always lying, who doesn’t know how to handle her anger and is continually threatening you to put her titty in your mouth and tell you how great you are; she’s stroking your ego not changing her behavior. “Let’s have a baby” doesn’t fix anything. “Let’s leave the past in the past” doesn’t fix anything. “Let’s get married” doesn’t fix anything. No matter who you are, man or woman, you can’t trick, bully, or guilt someone with a personality disorder into change. They need therapy!
The Fallout: You did it. You finally broke things off and are beginning to rebuild. Even after you leave them alone and block them on everything, they’ll still see you as an easy target. You shattered their fragile little ego by proving that you don’t need them. What does someone with an inflated sense of self do when exposed? They change the narrative! Social Media is the easiest; they’ll post how fucked up you are and how they great they were to garner sympathy. They may reach out to your friends and try to get in their ear about the things you did or said behind their backs. If they do still have contact with you, they’ll text you random shit to piss you off—pictures of new things they bought, photos of the new person they’re dating, and jabs about how much you ruined something perfect.
The fucked up thing is that it works in most cases. You’ll see how fake your friends are when they pop up with gossip about your ex, or you find out that they’re inviting your ex to events, even after you told them what happened. You’ll see how cold the internet is when people are coming at your neck based on the fake news your ex spewed. Just recently, I had a woman who unblocked her ex only to see that he’s been sending her all kinds of receipts of how his new life is much better, and guess what? She ended up responding to him just like he knew she would. Narcissists have to win the war or get the last word because being ignored makes them feel insignificant.
You will never be good enough for a person who feels they aren’t good enough. Narcissists have an inferiority complex that drives them, and a delusion fueled by a fear that they’ll be exposed as being weak, insecure, and fraudulent. A narcissist’s power comes from pushing you down and then lifting you back up as if they weren’t the ones responsible. To break the cycle and strip them of that control you must push back with courage and strategy.
Lean In: When initially observing a narcissist, you can’t get hypnotized by their fast talk. Ask trigger questions on those first few dates. Test his knowledge. Clarify his facts. Who told him that? How did he learn that? Where did he read that? Ask for specific stories about these big things he’s doing or these people he knows or who are out to get him. Listen to see if he’s trying to keep up with the lie or if this is real from memory. If he is doing well for himself, don’t get caught up in the flash or lifestyle, ask about family, friendships, personal bonds with people, not money or business. When it comes to the love blitz, learn how to say, “not today.” I don’t care how lonely you are or how great that date was, don’t allow someone to be in constant contact with you or see you multiple times a week this early. Smothering you with attention blinds you and numbs your commons sense. On future dates, see how well they remember things about you, quiz them organically by saying things like, “Remember the person I was telling you about last date?” Check to see if he or she is interested in getting to know you rather than getting you to be their adorning audience.
These simple steps will frustrate a narcissist. They will be annoyed that you aren’t allowing them to dominate the conversation. They will complain when you don’t allow them to see or communicate with you on their schedule. Their confidence is going to crumble when you push them into giving real answers. Most importantly, what leaning in does is bring to light their attitude and anger. When you don’t do what they say or move at their pace, the insults, passive-aggressive behavior, and commanding nature leaks out within weeks, if not days. Knowing a person has serious personality flaws early rather than months into it is crucial. Instead of being charmed into giving them the benefit of the doubt, you’ll expose them as yet another person with deep-rooted issues that don’t deserve a place in your life.
Ignore: If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, the best way to break up is to push them out of your life quickly and aggressively. Many of you don’t understand the power of ignoring someone or cutting someone off clean. It may be in your nature to get the last word, to seek closure, or to prove to someone that’s blaming you that it’s not your fault. Fuck that noise. Those that say that they’re unbothered are the most bothered. Play into this character flaw by taking away the one thing a narcissist covets—attention. Block their number. If they call remotely, hang up. Tell your friends what to look out for if they reach out. Get off of their social media and block them from yours. Don’t ruin your shot at freedom by being nosey! You don’t owe them reason; it’s better to cut out on them mysteriously than give them yet another blueprint to win you back. Remember what I wrote above; they want to play games. By ignoring them with no follow-up, they become trapped in their own head. They will try ways to get in contact or get you to unblock them, but you have to wait out the storm. Eventually, they will find a new target.
But what if we’re married… but what if a child is involved… but what if I have to see them at work… THERE IS NO BUT! You don’t have to engage with someone you don’t want to. There are always intermediates that you can use. No situation is an exception if you genuinely want to free yourself. Know that you can always sign up to email me if you need a specific battle plan. Never feel like you can’t do this step for any reason.
Reinforce: Fill your holes. It’s not your fault that narcissists exist. You didn’t ask to be exploited. You can’t help that you give people the benefit of the doubt. Improving your life isn’t about blame; it’s about power. I wished the people who you attracted into your life were all honorable, but most will have nefarious agendas. The key to safeguarding your heart and preventing further damage is revisit the patterns of your life, the types you fall for, and what you’re ultimately seeking. Make sure that you’re not chasing validation, you’re not dumbing yourself down for approval, and you’re not a low vibrational person that screams, “I’m a sucker for love and attention.”
I asked you what your insecurities were at the top. Now the next step is to do something about it. It’s not too late, you’re not too old, and it’s never silly to seek help. You’re walking around with baggage that has you operating at 65% of what you’re capable of being. Your guard may be up, but people are still sneaking through the back window because you don’t know how to defend against someone who knows the layout of your broken home! Choose to better yourself! That means therapy, that means meditation, that means rewiring your brain to stop going back to someone who hurts you, apologizes, then hurts you again. This site has all kinds of useful information on how to do internal work, and my books go even further. Use them. Take this time to reinforce your defenses so that no one wastes your time or furthers your trauma.
Additional Reading: Dealing With Gaslighting = Click Here
Also Be Sure to listen to my latest podcast: https://farfrombasyc.com/2020/03/loapreview.html
Thanks for reading Dating A Narcissist – The Warning Signs & How To Turn The Tables
On this episode of the podcast we discuss House Dates during the pandemic, quarantine sexting, the Netflix shows Tiger King and Love Is Blind. Plus we hear from a woman who is dating a separated man who may still be with his wife (or is he). This is G.L. Lambert Explains It all.
Thanks for reading Love Is Blind, Quarantine Sexting, Tiger King + More
Are you a priority or an option? You can fix your mouth to say you come first, but what does your current situation or past relationship prove? You’re all bark and no bite. You’re all attitude, and no action. After every dating break, every vow of celibacy, or every spiritual cleanse you’re back out here looking foolish because you don’t work on yourself, you just get worked over. Every lie you knew was a lie, you swallowed that shit in the name of love. Every excuse that sounded sketchy, you rolled with in the name of loyalty. You have been taken advantage of because those you deal with know that you’re desperate to be loved and appreciated. Every time you find your voice or try to stand up for yourself, you’re made to seem crazy or dramatic, so you sit down and shut up. You have zero power in your own world because you’re afraid the one person you want won’t want you back once you raise your standards. Someone who gives you “consistent attention” isn’t the prize, they’re the norm when you have standards! You don’t have to worry if someone has your back, they come into your life proving it when you have standards! What standards do you have besides needing someone with a cute face? What do you demand of someone looking to get close to you? You’re low maintenance as fuck. You get open off potential and flirting because despite how smart you are, your insecurities have made you basic!
You think struggle is love. You live your life trying to prove your worth. You won’t ask anyone for anything, you break your back trying to demonstrate your independence, and what do you get as a reward? Someone telling showing you that you’re not special while expecting you to do favor after favor for them. “I’m this and I do that,” you brag to keep from crying because at the end of the day, nothing you have been doing has gotten you the level of love you put out. The love you unselfishly try to bring to someone else’s life is missing in your own because no one cares enough to put you first. Why should they when you won’t even put yourself first? It’s time to stop trying to make everyone else happy and learn the steps to make yourself complete!
The Low Standard Basicas aren’t the only ones that have been making me shake my head lately, the Fear Basicas are using this time to be even more bitter and lazy. “G.L. I don’t want to get on the dating apps, I can’t find anyone to who isn’t from my past, blah blah blah” All these people on apps that have NEVER been on apps and you don’t even want to browse? All the time you spend on social media and you don’t even want to flirt with someone who catches you attention? It’s not that y’all don’t find anyone attractive or that you think everyone on dating apps is low quality, it’s that even in a pandemic you’re afraid to try and fail! I just saw a relationship develop between a guy in LA and a woman in Vancouver because she didn’t run from this opportunity to step out of her comfort zone. I know a woman how went on virtual dates with two different men over the past few weeks and these dudes are now mailing her gifts. You don’t get effort because you don’t put forth effort!
I’ve gotten more emails this past month than anytime in history because this pandemic has put a lot of men and women to the test, and you all are failing. You’re fucking people who you just met, you’re getting ducked by people who were just in your face a few months back, you can’t even get that “friend” to put money in your Venmo just because. Don’t let me get started on the good dozen of you that wrote me about the pro athletes or rappers that are using the hell out of you now that they’re bored with nothing to do. It’s a mess outside and in doors because you all thought that things “changed” because of the ‘Rona. Spartan standards never change, no matter what’s going on in the world! It’s hunting season, especially when it comes to women as all these men from the past or randoms who never bothered to text or DM before are feasting on you.
If you can’t handle aggressive men now, you’re going to get destroyed when the world opens up? Men will be coming at you harder than ever due to cabin fever, saying all kinds of wild shit to get your silly ass open. You can get genuine interest during a time like this and after, but you have to be smart and have strategy, not just blow in the wind with hope! I started writing an article for the members of this site that ballooned into a book, and I’m giving it away to ALL of you because you need to do better!
If you’re not a member sign up so you can get it.
Topics Covered Include:
-Online dating tips and profile creation
-Ex Boyfriends and “friends” trying to come back into your life
-Sexting and phone sex advice
-Virtual dating
-Keeping someone’s interest via texting or phone calls
-Breaking The Quarantine House dating
-Addressing your own insecurities
-Preparing yourself to date after the lock down ends.
Free ebook = https://farfrombasyc.com/mp-files/dating-during-the-q.pdf
Below is the introduction. I hope it wets your appetite for self-discovery and change…
Now is the time to reflect, reset, rebuild, and grow. You’ve been told what to do your entire life. A train placed on a track and told to keep moving. Don’t think, keep moving. Don’t question, keep moving. Don’t stop, keep moving. Pay bills, hang out, buy things, find someone to fall in love with that makes the track more bearable. Is that life? Is that what’s been making you happy, circling the track, doing the same shit year in and year out? Remember all those New Year’s resolutions you made? The negative things you were going to change about yourself or the boss moves you were going to make as soon as you had the time? Resolutions rarely stuck because life didn’t slow down and allow you to initiate change, right? That was your excuse—time. Well, here you are. You asked for time, and you received time.
It took a pandemic for you to sit still, and now you have the freedom to evaluate and execute the changes that need to be made in your life. The irony is that for the first few days, you were focused and thankful for the opportunity. Maybe you felt guilty for thinking of your self during a crisis like this, but the list of things you could do to be productive began to build in your head. Workout, get your finances in order, perfect that side hustle, look into online classes; the list that populates during an abundance of free time is infinite. How far did you get before you shut down, sat down, and started complaining about being bored or going crazy? A lot of people need a break, a chance not to do nothing. There’s nothing wrong with sitting alone with your titties out having a drink. But what about the next week?
That little voice in your head calls for action because your soul needs a creative outlet. You’re used to drowning that little voice out, putting plans off, smothering inspiration, and finding creative ways to maintain the status quo of “later.” Let’s say you kick your feet up and chill during this time. How does your life change moving forward? Wait out the storm, return to work, and be thankful that you’re back on the grind? Count down the days until you can take a vacation or hang with people who help distract you from the grind? Go back to dating guys that pick you up and put you back down, hoping that one day you’ll be wifed by a decent one who can save you from the grind? Some people remind you to appreciate what you have, “it could be worse.” They don’t know that you haven’t been happy for a long time. Content, yes, optimistic, at times… but you’re always stressed or seeking a way out of this mundane existence.
You hate the grind; you saw a different future for yourself than this continuous search for happiness. You want more out of life than a paycheck. You hate that the only thing you look forward to is escaping to other cities or getting lost in conversations with other people. You hate these endless dating game, trying to figure out the next silly gimmick to find love. It’s easy to long for what you were doing a few months ago, but when you look deeper, what you were doing was not as incredible as you remember. That doesn’t make you ungrateful, that makes you real.
What have you learned since the quarantine? That women feed their husbands to tigers or that you can lock fifty broken people in pods, and 5% of them will fall in love? Maybe you learned the latest viral dance, that Lil Jon made good songs, or discovered a bomb YouTube makeup channel. Perhaps you put the phone or remote control down long enough to discover something profound about your own life. When you take away your friends or the everyday distractions of going out and keeping yourself busy, you don’t like the person you’ve become. You sit alone with your thoughts, and they give you anxiety because, for the first time in a long time, your thoughts aren’t about where to go, what to eat, or what someone else is doing. Day to day isolation exposed the shallowness of your existence. You weren’t some super extrovert or happy introvert; you were hiding in plain sight from the very thoughts that now fill your days:
“Who am I, and what do I want out of life?”
Work. Consume. Bullshit. Work Consume Bullshit. WorkConsumeBullshit! Hasn’t that song become played out? There’s another virus that’s been going around for years. That virus is called “drifting.” It isn’t airborne; it’s mental. You ignorantly believe that all your problems are external. Your finances are tied to your employers, your employers tied to your education, your education tied to your upbringing, and where you are currently, be it financially or emotionally, isn’t your fault.
Now that you have time to sit and look at the truth of your life, every choice you made determined your current placement in this world. You chose to blame, not problem-solve. You chose to be held back rather than figure out a way to go around. You chose to stay where you felt comfortable, instead of taking a risk on something that you were passionate about doing. The external obstacles of your life felt like walls, but if you stopped to think, then looked around, you would have seen that those walls were connected to doors. Instead, you drifted, you found other people who felt the same as you, complainers and victims who were in the same boat as you or on a lower level, and you created a community.
Those sheep people made life easier to live. You could gossip with them, make fun of them, party with them, and get lost in the haze until that little voice once again crept into your ear, reminding you that there’s more to life. There hasn’t been a week that has gone by where you didn’t think “I should be doing more,” and there wasn’t a week that went by where you didn’t silence those thoughts and go back to the normal routine of your life. You fell asleep at the wheel, now here you are, being shook with a desperate plea to wake up. The world has come to a standstill to get your attention. Are you finally ready to listen?
I’ve been bombarded with emails asking for my help since the quarantine began. The topics have ranged from career, spirituality, and of course, love advice. Some people won’t read the entirety of this because they don’t want real change, they want to get back on that train track, reunite with the sheep people, and keep pretending to be content. Those people that have reached out to me are cut from a different cloth. They crave real change, are determined to use this time to better themselves, and see this obstacle as an opportunity. Are you one those people? Or are you ready to go back to sleep…
Again, members can download this book for FREE
https://farfrombasyc.com/mp-files/dating-during-the-q.pdf/
Nonmembers can sign up or purchase it at SolvingSingle.com
Thanks for reading Working On SELF During The Quarantine – From Dating to Rethinking Your Path
On this episode, G.L. interviews a woman who believes she has mastered the art of being single, navigating the world of friends with benefits, and how to not catch feelings when men apply pressure. Also a reader asks for advice on dating while she’s still trying to lose weight, plus a run down of G.L.’s Top Dating Books that he didn’t write… Full Episode Drops 4-30-20 Only @ FarFromBasyc.com
Thanks for reading Podcast Preview: Being Happy Single, Dating While Plus Size, & More…
On this episode G.L runs down the main traits that every man wants in a woman. Marriage pressure; does getting engaged solve relationship problems? We delve into a sneaky “wifey material” test that’s being used on first dates. Also includes a discussion about why a man doesn’t want women with kids and the crazy story of being in a relationship with a guy whose penis won’t stay hard.
Plus, Confessions of a simp who is getting milked for money. This is an episode you don’t want to miss! Press Play!
Thanks for reading The Secret Ways Men Test Women, Milking A Simp For Money, and much more…
G.L runs down the main traits that every man wants in a woman. Plus he delves into a sneaky “wifey material” test that’s being used. Also includes a discussion about why a man doesn’t want women with kids and the crazy story of being in a relationship with a guy whose penis won’t stay hard. Plus lots more Only @ FarFromBasyc.com
Thanks for reading Preview: The Secret Ways Men Test Women
