Your Hotline ain’t blinging because you’re annoying as fuck. That was supposed to be an inside joke, but it hurt someone’s feelings to the point where she hit me up and told me about what her BFF said aloud in a mixed group. Imagine if you were a girl who had the last three guys that you thought liked you, all suddenly block, or stop taking your calls with no excuse? This was “Hotline ain’t blinging” girl’s situation and her friend who was supposed to be supportive, aired her ass out. Friends don’t hurt friends feelings just for laughs, there was a sliver of the truth in that statement, that’s why it bothered her even a week after it happened. I asked her bluntly, “Well, are you annoying as fuck?” Her response was, “No! …I don’t think so? No one’s ever told me that.” Fuck what someone else has told you, you should know yourself: Do you do things you perceive when looking back to be annoying? *crickets* it was a dead end conversation because she wasn’t ready to open up to me about this, but maybe it can help someone else. Let’s talk about being annoying in a real way. Not in a generic way like telling people you’re a vegan, talking too much, bragging about bullshit, etc… Everyone can be annoying depending on how your day is going, and everyone does things that make you shake your head at one point or another. However, there are things that men and women both do that point to character flaws that hold them back from being loved. Those are the annoying ass personality quirks or insecurities that are changeable, but like my friend, they don’t want to look inward.
Men can be even more annoying than woman, and at first I was going to write about both women and men equally. Then I realized that would be a waste of time. Guys who talk about conspiracy theories, wax political but don’t really understand civics or politics, dudes that won’t stop calling because they’re thirsty, guys that send pics of their dicks the same week you meet them… all these circus niggas are enough to make a woman want to give up. Women don’t want to talk about sex the same night you exchange numbers and flashing money like every girl is impressed by a Benz and Rolex, is corny as fuck. Girls are constantly disappointed because these guys would be perfect if it weren’t for those faults that spill out and turn them off. I have male associates that do those very things, but here’s the thing; they still get ass. I’m like, “Who is giving him pussy, when he acts so basic and transparent?” The answer is, the average woman, because they’re not hurting in that department, they’re thriving. Despite what I see as flaws, they have girls chasing them, therefore how can I say, “Stop fronting like you got the money to take her out of town and have rich sex, and stop soapboxing as if you know the difference between socialism and capitalism, you smart sounding dumb nigga,” when their methods work on so many girls. That’s like MSNBC telling Donald Trump to be more like Jeb Bush. If it’s not broke, don’t fix it just because it’s not ideal.
Women call men corny all day long, they show me screen grabs of his lame texts, but STILL agree to go out. Think about that hypocrisy! Annoying men win in general because bored and lonely women overlook the flaws so long as the affection is there. Flashback to a year ago, one of my good friends had a guy that wouldn’t stop blowing up her phone, who showered her with compliments and acted jealous, all without ever taking her out on a traditional date. “He’s funny, but he’s clingy and weird. Imagine if I were to fuck him?” Even after she blocked him, he still wouldn’t get the hint, even showing up at her job’s parking lot to flag her down. She called this man all kinds of names while on the phone with me… we made up a nick name for this bitch nigga… then a week after that pop up, she agreed to be his girlfriend. When I confronted her about this she responded, “Think about how far he had to come to my job. He didn’t know when I got off work or if I was even working that day. Aren’t you always saying that if a man is serious he puts in a real effort, not just talk?” My jaw dropped. This man who was sending thirsty texts since the first meeting, had never taken her on a real date, and who called multiple times a day like a bug-a-boo, won you over because you saw his stalker-ish actions as proof of true love? Like so many women, her mouth said “you’re wack” but her ego liked the feeling of being chased, thus him doing all the things that any sane person would label as romantic suicide, worked. How can you tell a man that acting like a creep is wrong, when the results prove that it works?
The point is, from the huge pool of women and men that I’ve pulled examples from, being an annoying man isn’t always a deal breaker, but being an annoying woman gets you curved nearly every time out. I can sit here and rant about lame niggas that do clown shit, text clown shit, and talk about clown shit, but I’ve been saying, “have standards, choose a man worthy of your time,” but most women still give these clowns a shot because they’re lonely and he’s handsome. Therefore, I’m going to focus on women specifically because unlike men, you don’t get second chances after you act stereotypical. Some of you have great personalities, are funny, and smart, and your close friends can attest to this… but when you’re first getting to meet a new person they don’t know that side, they can only judge how you come off during the first weeks or month. There lies the problem; a lot of you are annoying as fuck at first. It’s the nerves, the pressure, the past failures, the anxieties of love that turn you from chill and laid back to Amazing Amy 2.0. You do things wrong without knowing you’re doing them, and guys grin and bear it for New Pussy’s sake, or because you’re bringing something else to the table, but it doesn’t last. In the end, guys grow tired of you and find an exit without actually telling you the true reason. The question, “Why doesn’t he like me,” isn’t as simple as “Oh, he’s just not the one for you.” If we’re being honest it could be a case of you being annoying as fuck. Yes, the guys you don’t like that much will put up with it, but the guys who you really like, they have way too many options to keep pretending you’re cool, and in the end, your inability to control your emotions may be the reason you continue to strike out.
The Girl That Doesn’t Have a Life Outside of Men
The reason many women struggle with being single is that their own lives are boring. Without a man, every day feels like a prison because you don’t have an emotional outlet to place all this bottled up energy. Go to work or school, come home, play on the internet, watch a show, repeat. Your Amazon wish list is overflowing, but your social life is empty as fuck. Right now, even with all the stuff you distract yourself with, how many times do you say, “I’m bored!” per week? You’re irritated and restless because no matter how many lonely chick apps you have on your phone, you long for a purpose. Having a man to love shouldn’t be a woman’s purpose in life, but sadly, that’s how most of you are programmed. There’s nothing to do, ugghhh I wish I had a boyfriend! Give a girl like this a “friend” not even a boyfriend at this point, just a guy who is still in that post first date/pre-relationship space, and she begins to center her day around him. She’s at work or school, thinking about him. She comes home, thinks about him. Plays on the internet, one tab open to his social media so she refresh to see if there is any action. This is typical “I have a crush” female behavior up until a man starts to let his life get in the way of the courting. Understand that men, on average, aren’t that bored. They chase girls, beat off to porn sites, hang with friends, play video games, have side hustles, or focus on other hobbies that take up the bulk of their free time. In reality, a non-thirsty man only spends about an hour a day actually thinking about a girl unless he’s horny. If he wants to rub one out, he’ll make time to have phone sex or sext, but once that nut is gone, he’s back to doing him. Alternatively, a woman’s want to be around a man isn’t driven by sex. Even if she were to go and fap off, she would still be staring at her phone hoping he calls, because it’s male companionship that she’s longing for. He hasn’t called so you drop a dry text that doesn’t even make him want to respond because you aren’t asking anything real or saying anything more interesting than the ass he’s scrolling through on IG. You call and get sent to voicemail, not because he’s in the middle of something important, he just doesn’t want to hear you go on about nonsense. Him not responding back makes you upset, so what do you do? You go and text some other guy who you don’t like as much or you get on social media and make random observations hoping someone will start a conversation with you. In short, you’re only attempting to live life outside of him because he’s not responding. That’s giving a man power over you.
Men know exactly what they’re doing when they don’t hit you back right away or respond dryly. The less you communicate with lonely women, the more they feel rejected. The more they feel rejected the harder they try to win you over. The moment you show a man that you want him more than he wants you, It’s game over. I get emails that start off, “how can I get his attention back.” Some of them have only known the guy for a matter of weeks. How the fuck has a man lost interest in less than a month? Because you’re doing something that he finds annoying. Most likely the way you communicate is corny. He may not be a rocket scientist his damn self, but if all your conversation game consists of is joke-flirts and asking how the day went, then it’s zzzzz. Some of you know damn well that any man that wants a woman is going to find time to see that woman at lease regularly, but you play into this idea that he’s too busy to see you and accept it because it makes your ego feel as if you’re not being rejected. “When am I going to see you,” she asks. “I don’t know, you’re always busy,” he responds while half paying attention. “No, that’s you who’s the busy one, I’m always free.” Of course she is! You’re basically telling a dude that no one of stature wants you. That’s why there is no effort on a man’s part to see a girl that’s always available. Why rush, when she’s always going to be there?
I constantly tell women not to be too easy, but that’s counterintuitive. “You want me to lie about being busy when I’m not busy? Da fuq?” That’s just it. You should have a life outside of Dick. I shouldn’t have to tell you to find a way to be fake busy; it should be something naturally built into your schedule. Men will lie to your face and front as if YOU are the reason that you two don’t talk or go on dates. LIE TO YOUR FACE. What do these types of women do? They believe him, and make themselves even more open, only to get the same loose promises and back-burner treatment. Spoiler… He finds you annoying! While he would drive over in a heartbeat if you were serving up New Pussy, he has no interest in actually spending time with you once he figures out there’s nothing there that excites him mentally. The average girl will not take this as disrespect because she doesn’t even see her habits as being annoying. She’ll complain and fume as if she’s fed up, but will assume that he is actually too busy and wait on him to put her first. Meanwhile a man will only put that annoying girl at the top of his To Do List when it serves him. For example, if his homeboy cancels on him at the last minute. Oh, damn the boys aren’t meeting up—now I’m bored. Let me call this bitch, I know she’s not doing anything. This is why you ladies get those same-day-notice date invites or those late night phone calls. It’s not just about booty calls, he has a break in his schedule and needs someone to fill it, and he knows you’re thirsty enough to be at his beck in call. Annoying girls are always Option B.
What if a girl is someone a man actually likes and does make time for, but then suddenly the bottom drops out, and he starts to fallback? This is the “Give me some space” effect, but it’s rather fucked up because men are the ones that usually create this monster. He talks you to death at first. You two go out a lot. It’s “chemistry” early and often. Everything is moving fast, but it doesn’t feel wrong, it feels perfect. I will say this again, there has to be natural breaks in any new relationship or you burn out! A man will set the pace of calling all the time and texting all the time, and then suddenly fall back. Why? Because you gave him too much too soon and niggas bore easily! Just because he says, “call me back” doesn’t mean you always call him back. Just because he said he’s trying to go out this weekend, doesn’t mean you go out that weekend. Nevertheless, you always respond to him and he always gets his way, because that’s your husband in your head. After a month of this easy shit, he’s itching to change hoes like girls change hairstyles. He’s heard all of your stories, he’s heard all of your opinions, and he knows how to push your buttons in terms of jokes. There are no new tricks! It’s only been a few weeks and he’s used you up. Sex or no sex, a man will start to go stir crazy if he uses a woman up. So what does he do? He finds other things that are more fun to fill his time. He has his hobbies, you have your Snapchat, he’s living, and you’re living vicariously. Realistically a man shouldn’t need a break this early, but he does need a break because you overdosed him with attention. Instead of saying “No, I’ll talk to you tomorrow or see you next week,” you were like “Yes Daddy! I miss you too…” You can’t take away the hunt from the hunter, and some of you are so hard up to find consistent conversation and dick that you make it too easy to have you.
Now you’re calling him, cursing him out, blocking him for a day, acting out like a brat, and it works a little bit. Men like a little drama at first, it gets our dicks hard, and we get to play that “let me make it up to you,” game. That shit doesn’t last; you two will enter into this grey area of “You only pay attention to me when I’m mad at you.” So many situationships and relationships are built on a woman having to blow up a phone just to get some sort of emotion because the man is already moving on mentally. In the end, you two stop talking, and what does he say about you to his friends? “That bitch was annoying, bro, always asking where I was at, getting mad when I had other things to do, and throwing fits when she didn’t get her way. This is why I don’t date bitches from this city, they’re all crazy.” See that’s the man’s POV talking to another man. If you were in the room you would raise your hand and remind him, “Technically, you were the one up my ass trying to see me every day, texting me all times of night, and of course I’m going to act crazy when you suddenly act like you can’t keep your word or communicate your change of plans!” I see both sides of the story, the man leading a girl on or a girl leading herself on. The root of this neurotic behavior boils down to you not having a life outside of that guy to keep you honest and to keep him engaged. Men always have options; women act as if they’re afraid to have options. A man will say he doesn’t chase women, but will toss away one that’s easy to get to go see one that curves him. Therefore, it’s not about how to get a man’s attention back, it’s about being the type of woman that doesn’t put all her eggs in any man’s basket in the first place.
The Girl That Has To Share Everything with the Internet
There’s this big debate where Basicas stand at the pulpit and cry, “If you’re really his girl, then he shouldn’t object to putting pictures of you on social media.” A relationship no matter how new or old is not meant for public consumption. This line between Private life and Public life has been blurred because relationships have become the new handbag. What’s the point of having one, unless you can show it off? That’s how many immature women feel, and they see this public validation as a perk of being in a relationship. The problem is not all men are willing to play the role of an accessory. Sure, some niggas are trying to be sneaky, but the majority of males tend to be private by nature. My wife’s brother has a girlfriend that does a lot of things that the sisters see as insecurity. When she saw her post a picture of him sleeping on her chest on her Facebook it was a cause for a conference call, because the ladies in the family don’t understand why you would take a picture of a sleeping man half naked, and then caption it, “Bae resting comfy” for the world to see. I told her that it’s how many younger women feel good about themselves. It’s not enough to be loved, they have to show others they are loved, and that’s the tragedy of modern romances that play out on social media.
Despite this, men may play along, and it doesn’t really hurt at first. It’s a male compromise. You let her do her selfie shit, and you avoid an argument and get to beat it raw. However, there are levels to that shit and your history of online validation can either turn a man off or keep you in the “just pussy” box. Think about how many times you’ve read something that shouldn’t have been shared online, but were happy it was because it was juicy. We all like seeing those ratchet screenshots, those long ass birthday posts that get way into detail, the dumb ass name tattoos that the woman will regret later, and the eventual airing of dirty laundry after a breakup. No matter if it’s good, bad, ratchet, or sappy, we laugh because we know that the only reason people throw their lives on the internet in that manner is for attention. What’s happening now is that men are doing research, they still will put their dicks in these types, cus duh, pussy feels good… but that’s as far as they go, because it’s akin to having a homeboy that dry snitches to your mother. You can’t live a real life under those circumstances! A man isn’t going to have you out here fucking up his future because you wanted to take a selfie after sex or wanted to Love & Hip Hop him with accusations about his sex game after he curved you. Guys are already guarded, the moment he sees how you move on those e-streets, he’s already placing you in a “Fuck it and forget it” basket. In the end, you’re not Beyoncé, you’re not promoting a brand that doubles as a lifestyle, so what monster are you feeding by living out a relationship online? Is it your ego or you insecurity?
The Girl That Swears She Understands Men
What is the #1 thing that people hate to hear? Themselves categorized and compared to other people! There are women who feel a need to remind guys how smart they are in terms of understanding men. “I have brothers I know how y’all do. My Daddy put me up on game, so I know how y’all are. I’m friends with all my exes; boys can’t get nothing past me.” Cookie, bitch? Do you realize how annoying it is to tell someone that you already know who they are based on the personalities of unrelated males? This is almost as bad as superstitiously breaking down complex human beings by their zodiac sign. You may hit the mark some of the times, but it’s a huge generalization that annoys the hell out of men. It’s not that you know too much, It’s that you walk around assuming you do. I give a lot of insight that turns out to be true, but that’s not for you to go out and wave the Spartan Flag on your dates. That’s information for you to play chess with, not Uno! Still, some women think they should show their hands early and often. “NC said that I had to vet this man on a date, so let me tell him how I know how boys act and we need to move slow.” What the fuck is the point of telling any man your internal game plan? You’re like that Supervillain that captures Batman, has a chance to kill him, but proceeds to talk about his plan instead of actually doing it. Imagine if you went on a date with a guy and he said, “I have a sister, I know how y’all do, you’re just looking to get a free meal.” You would feel offended, because you personally don’t fit into that category of Applebee’s Thot looking to rub a dick for an appetizer and a Mojito. You may know how some men tend to act from dating and being fucked over for the past five years, but that doesn’t mean you project that on a new man as if all men are the same. The smart move is to observe him and see if he does those things that you’ve been schooled on, and if he does check his ass with actions not proclamations. You’re so afraid to be hurt that you feel that if you announce to a man how up on game you are, you won’t be gamed. It doesn’t work that way! The Seahawks run the ball more than they throw it, but that doesn’t mean the 49ers are going to stop the fucking run.
Being a self-proclaimed Man Expert becomes extremely annoying once you start to pull it out of your hat every time a man does something to make you mad. For instance if you don’t get a call back, and you know that men lie about missed calls, you’re more likely to start an argument because your mind is already made up that he’s just like every other male. You jump to conclusions like cops jump on black kids, because you’re making rapid assumptions based on a profile! This “I’m not stupid” defense mechanism spills over into everything and you go from being a woman that’s skeptical, yet open to trusting a man, to one that’s paranoid about every action he does. You aren’t able to communicate properly because what he did reminds you about something your brothers do, a game your father warned you about, or an excuse your ex-boyfriend used. How long before a man gets tired of you comparing him to the last guy? Not long, which is why you will see a guy get irritated, tell you, “Nothing’s wrong,” then start to distance himself. If you truly understood men, then you’d know that you fucked up from the jump by going in as if you’re some genius chick that knows what a man’s going to do before he does it. No one likes a know it all that only knows half the story. Keep your knowledge private, so it can better suit you in the long run, and stop announcing how smart you are! Dating and relationships are like military strategy, you compile a generalized profile, but you must wait until you engage the opposition to truly understand what you’re up against and how to use that knowledge to win. I know men, and we have layers that few women actually unravel, no matter how hip they believe they are.
That Girl That Needs Constant Reassurance
I understand that some women need reassurance that a man is into her for her, not her body, the materialistic things, a shoulder to lean on, or her pussy, but really into her character. It’s hard to tell if a man likes you because you’ve assumed before, and ended up being rejected. In response to being burned, there are little tests that women claim work or imagine should work based on their own theories. If a guy calls you a lot, that means he likes you, thus you expect to be called first and often. If a guy wants to see you all the time, that means he likes you, thus you expect all his hobby time to become your time. If a guy tells you, “you’re different,” that means you are indeed different, and you begin to hold onto those compliments he gives you because it’s proof that there is real attraction beyond just being a hole for his dick. Here’s where things get extremely annoying. Some men don’t move at the pace of other men, and others go through those motions just to get brownie points, but aren’t sincere. Meaning that those “If he liked me he would act like this…” tests are all null and fucking void! Insecure women go down two roads: A. You are confused about if a man is truly into you because he’s not doing those clingy things that you believe men do when they’re falling in like with a woman. His behavior drives you crazy because while you think he’s into you, his actions aren’t big and exaggerated. You hate guessing! You would rather know where you stand with a man because you heart can’t take being lead on and broken based on an assumption, yet you’re too afraid to ask where you stand because being direct is scary. B. You are getting what you perceive as normal “he’s on my clit” behavior from a man, but that guarded side of you is reminding you that men act fake as hell when it comes to courting new pussy. While you’re eating up his affectionate behavior, you’re stressed because you’re looking for some sign that this isn’t actually a Dick Tactic game of manipulation. This is the war that rages in the mind of an insecure woman. A lot is made of Good Dick Makes Women Crazy, no it doesn’t, fear that a man will stop liking her or reveal he never liked her from the beginning makes women crazy. You don’t want to get hurt, you just want to give you heart and have it be safe, but you don’t know how to control that anxiety when that man isn’t around you.
For the men that get a hold of a conflicted female that’s constantly overthinking if she’s truly liked, it can ruin the potential for something great. Every man has experienced that “crazy” chick that needs to be told that she’s pretty, gets an attitude if she isn’t complimented, or flips out if you dare choose to do something else instead of doing something with her. She isn’t actually crazy; she’s just scared that she’s being played so she acts out like a fearful animal, with rage and bi-polar emotions. The ironic thing is that I see these same type of insecure birds trying to preach to other women, “If he was really down for you, you’d always come first.” Now that sounds good in theory. If a man loves a woman, he makes time for her and she always takes precedent. However, it’s not always practical during the honeymoon stage of a relationship. When you’re not technically at the point of die-hard love, what simp ass man is going to put you before something else that he finds important? That’s the conundrum, a woman will take not being top priority to mean she’s not at all important. She has to be #1 or it means it’s not real. How fucking dramatic is that when you break it down with logic? It’s a Basic Brat Bitch mindset. Just because he chose to go watch a game with his friends, doesn’t mean he doesn’t think of you as special. Just because he doesn’t feel like coming over and would rather just decompress by himself after work, doesn’t mean he’s tired of you. This roller coaster of “we spent all weekend together and really bonded, now she’s mad at me because I didn’t call her all Monday,” annoys the fuck out of men, but women don’t see the problem. IF YOU LOVE ME CALL ME EVERYDAY, YOU MUST NOT REALLY WANT ME IF YOU CAN’T CHECK IN!!! Even if you aren’t a screamer, you may do that same thing by being passive aggressive. The point is, you’re reading too much into his actions because you’ve clearly been hurt and rejected before.
Men are people too, and they need space to live their lives and that may not always sync up with a female’s want for attention. Again, it goes back to having something else in your life besides the internet and your romantic relationship. To feel rejected just because you’re not being showered with attention in the way you, your friends, or Instagram pretend that men should shower women with attention is insane. Your Dad is there for your Mom, yeah because they’re fucking married. Your friend’s boyfriend drops everything for her, yeah because he’s a pussy. Men are selfish and rebellious by nature; he’s not always going to make time for you just because you would make time for him. Deal with that shit. Better yet, Spartan Up and be selfish your damn self and go out and live life off of that man’s dick! Knowing if someone really likes your or not will always be a leap of faith, there are no “girl do this” test that covers every personality type. The intelligent method would be to observe his actions over time, not just based on a few incidents that made you feel jealous or slighted. A guy that sees you on Wednesday but doesn’t feel like coming through on Friday shouldn’t be judged solely on that Friday curve. Don’t be closed minded, read the entire field report before you jump to that conclusion. If he’s placing friends before you 3 out of 5 times, that’s something that needs to be discussed, but if it’s 2 out of 5, you need to chill your ass out.
Self Inventory
You can’t force a person to like you more by being clingy, submissive, sexual, or by using reverse psychology to guilt them into giving you more of their time or effort. You’re calling all the time because you’re worried that he’s going to forget about you– own up to it. You’re trying to see him all the time, because you want him all to yourself– own up to it. You’re texting him accusations about how he doesn’t care about you for real because you want him to respond that he does– admit that. You don’t want him to meet some other girl that he thinks is prettier and more interesting, and it drives you crazy when you can’t be around to make sure that doesn’t happen. Grow. The. Fuck. Up! All of these childish, typical bitch games have no place in adult dating! I see so many girls that I know are cool and have great personalities, but who shoot themselves in the foot because they let insecurity creep into their minds. The moment you overthink a relationship, is the moment you go from logic to fear. Fear will always turn a strong woman into just another weak bitch controlled by emotions. What started as “Damn, she could be the one” will transforms into, “Damn, she’s just like the last one.” If you’re truly different from the next woman, then prove it! Stop trying so hard to be his only option, and be Yourself. Annoying women are born out of nervousness, but what the hell are you nervous about? You should be so confident in what you bring to the table that thinking about if some boy likes you doesn’t even cross your mind! Overthinking is a cancer caused by insecurity, and confidence is the only cure! Men don’t give real explanations, there is no exit interview for failed wifies, so it’s on you to recognize your weaknesses and not assume you’re full of strengths. The next time you’re ready to place the blame on male insincerity, think back to where it went south on your end. It could be a case of meeting a man who wasn’t compatible, or it could be a case of you blowing your shot by letting your anxieties turn you into just another emotionally fragile basic bitch. Your hotline should be blinging, you should have guys lined up to court you like they value you, your relationship should be being upgraded from just dating to serious, but it won’t happen until you get out of your own way.
Thanks for reading You’re Annoying and Don’t Even Know It