This year is going to be different… until it turns into more of the same. Each new month is a chance to reset and refocus those goals, and maybe you do for a few days, then you get distracted by life’s problems, and once again put those goals to the side. Your business plan collects dust. That website name you bought is still parked. That gym membership goes unused. That application to take yourself back to school just sits there… should I continue? There are so many people who take the first step, but never follow up. It’s only when you see someone online winning or bump into a friend or associate who actually turned something into nothing do you become triggered to once again start over… but even that “If they can do it so can I,” motivation dies out in favor of more of the same. Aren’t you tired of doing and saying the same shit?
On social media people were posting photos from 10 years ago comparing how their looks have changed, but what about their bank accounts? Is your bank account where you thought it would be 10 years ago? Is your love life where you thought it would be 10 years ago? Are you on the path to doing what you dreamed of 10 years ago? Each one of you had a drive to do something special, to be great, to share your talent or innovation, and to carve out a piece of this world for yourself. Some of you have done that or on the verge of doing that, while others are still sitting around waiting for an opportunity, instead of creating an opportunity.
The goal wasn’t to work a job you barely like. Your goal wasn’t to drive someone around for money. Your goal wasn’t to work two part time jobs. Your goal wasn’t to live paycheck to paycheck. You had a feeling that you would do great things, so where did that feeling go? No one was hiring in your field, you had student loans to pay off so you just had to take a job, you ended up getting pregnant so you had to lower expectations, maybe you were waiting for a friend or a family member to partner with you and they let you down… Fuck all that noise. There is nothing that could have happened in your life that would make it impossible for you to start over today. Tell me your sob story of setbacks and misfortune and I’ll show you dozens of people who had it worse than you, yet ended up turning their losses into a win. Chasing after love, online shopping, being fake enraged about politics, all the while the thing that should matter most to you—your own life and legacy, remains below expectations. Are you one of those cogs in the machine that just wants to get by and contribute to other people’s fortunes, or are you ready to wake the fuck up and get out of the matrix?
It’s Never Too Late
Didn’t finish school, now you’re stuck working a low paying job. Parents forced you to go into a career field because it was secure, now you’re stuck doing something you hate. Took a job you told yourself was temporary, now you’re stuck doing something that doesn’t satisfy you because the money is good… Is that what you were put on this earth to do? Get by and make excuses? Know one thing, you are never STUCK. You always have the power to reset, redesign, and rebuild your life into what you currently envision.
The first step is getting the word “but” out of your vocabulary. I know more than a few doctors that walked away from that profession to do something that paid less but satisfied them creatively. I knew of a woman who was waiting tables, decided enough was enough, and hit up some open mics in her city looking to network. She is now a song writer for some big-name artist. The moral of the story NEVER QUIT ON YOURSELF.
School wasn’t for you, so what—you can still rise above that. Your parents were strict and forced you into medicine or law, so what—you can still rise above. You have debt to pay off, and no one to help you, so what—you can still rise above. This is supposed to be a generation that covets freedom, yet just like your older relatives, you’ve fallen into the trap of working 9-5 just to stay alive. When you were young you felt like nothing can stop you. Look at you now, humbled. Point your finger and cry about “If I were born with money like Kylie Jenner, I’d be in Forbes too,” but you weren’t and neither were Steve Jobs, Ellen, Oprah, or that creepy guy that sells those My Pillows. Stop the excuses and get back to being fearless!
“Adulting is hard,” “Life is so unfair,” No one gives a fuck about fair or how hard you have it. You have the power to bend the Universe in your favor, but the difference between you and the person out there that’s doing it, is that you don’t believe in yourself. Wipe your ass with all the negative thoughts about “what if” or “I can’t” and push through! You can attract money, love, and happiness at any point in your life, by saying one sentence each morning, “I can do this!” Your time is now, refuse to be anything less than successful.
You Are Good Enough
Everyone around you seems so confident but you’re full of doubt. This leads to you trying to fake confidence and manufacture self-esteem through tough talk and hollow bragging. You’re not alone. Those people who you’re trying to impress are doing the same thing most times. That girl on Facebook is embellishing how good her life and relationship is, that girl on IG is posting year old vacation pictures like it happened last weekend, that “Girl Boss” posting her orders, lost more money selling hair bundles than she made. Is this who you’re competing with? Perceptions of greatness? Instead of trying to get like them, let’s start with the reality that there’s nothing wrong with who you are.
You can’t do anything you set your mind to if your mind is a confused mess of negative thoughts. Examine where those negative thoughts come from. Most likely it started early, maybe your parents shot down your dreams when you were younger. Maybe someone insulted your intelligence, said you didn’t have the talent, or maybe it was a combination of things that lowered your self-esteem and left you with little faith in yourself. The choices of your parents effect your adult life in ways they didn’t account for. Here’s your mother, father, or grandparent trying to get you to play it safe and here you are years later, afraid to take risks because they taught you that failure is common, and success is rare. Perhaps it was your friends who shitted on your aspirations by reminding you that you’re not smart enough, well connected enough, the right gender, the right color, or in the right city to make your dreams a reality. External influence can lift you up or it can break you down depending on who you’re allowing in your ear. You didn’t have a cheerleader, you had a naysayer, and no matter how many Self-Help books you read, you can’t shake the feeling that you’re not good enough.
I want you to do an exercise each night before bed. Think about everyone who told you that you couldn’t do something. Who were they? What was there agenda? What made you listen to them? Going one by one, I want you to rip their opinions down and rebuild yourself on the foundation of truth. People, even those that love you, will often try to hold you down so you will never amount to more than what they are. They fear what you can become and poison your mind. The antidote is to revisit their lies, and feed yourself the truth:
That person who told you that there’s too much competition and you won’t be able to make money in an industry. They were hating because they don’t want you to succeed in a world where they couldn’t. That person that keeps reminding you how much money you need to start your own business. They’re hating because in their life they placed limits and made excuses for their inability to out think their problems. That person who made fun of you for trying and failing at something previously. They’re only laughing to shame you into not getting back up and trying again.
Kill the idea that someone’s negative advice or observation is them “looking out for you”. Those people who have your best interest at heart won’t knock you down, they will always lift you up. Separate yourself from the toxic whispers and backhanded advice givers, if you’re going to finally ascend you can’t have them weighing you down.
Stop Waiting
Time is a concept, which means you don’t have to wait for the first of the year, month, or week, to take action. The moment you want to change something, change it. The superstitious bullshit that runs this world will have you thinking that you need to read your horoscope or wait for a lucky sign. It’s all nonsense. Prepare–Execute. Prepare-Execute. Prepare-Execute. The next time you think “I’ll wait until tomorrow,” ask yourself “why am I waiting?” If there is something you can do today that will put you ahead tomorrow, then start now! Where do you start? With a pen and a pad, write down what you want to accomplish. Write down the practical steps to accomplish it. Then set a deadline to check off each one of those steps. It’s that simple.
In terms of friends or potential partners, stop waiting on others to make moves for you. I have several friends in this situation currently. They want to do an app, but they’re waiting for their friend who wants to do it with them to have free time. They want to do music, but they’re waiting for the other person to go with them to the studio. They want to do a cosmetic line, but they’re waiting for their cousin to throw in her money. People are full of shit. The only person you can rely on is yourself. If it’s your idea, execute it and stop being afraid to go in alone. The magic of hustling is that you will automatically meet like minded people the moment you start making moves in that industry. I know someone that sold their company to Sephora, but only after partnering with a stranger who was in the same business, they were in. Your will attract like minded people once you’re in motion, but you will only attract lazy bullshit artist if you sit around and wait. Know that some people love to talk while other peoples just do it. Separate yourself form that pack and always be willing to go in alone if someone isn’t moving at your pace.
Follow The Passion Not The Money
Make your hobby into a side gig. Turn your childhood love into your current career. Take something you’re a nerd about and make it payoff. I don’t care if you want to be a chef, work in the front office of your favorite sports team, own a salon, or start your own brand of whatever—be passionate as fuck in the pursuit of that goal and everything else will take care of itself. Talk to people in that business, read about it, formulate a way in and your love will of that industry will reflect in those people you need to impress in order to make that dream a reality.
Where so many people mess up is trying to live out someone else’s dream because they see an opportunity. Every day someone jumps into Podcasting because it’s easy to start up, modeling because they have a few followers, catering because someone says they’re an okay cook, but they flame out because they didn’t really want to do any of that stuff, they just wanted a check. Let’s say your friend makes a lot of money selling hair on Ali Express because she’s into beauty. You have some savings and are going to invest too because it’s a good return on your money. Why? You don’t know what clients are looking for, you don’t know how to foresee trends, market that product, or expand that kind of business because that’s not what you’re into. Retail is hard. Makeup is hard. Writing is hard. There is no such thing as an easy career. Some of you work for other people, they tell you what to do and you get a check at the end of the week. What happens when it’s all on you? Unless you are insanely passionate, you’re not going to put that same time and effort into a business or new venture to make it work. So instead of saying, “they make money doing it, I can do that too,” be true to yourself and create your own lane.
Take The Risk
What if it doesn’t work out, then what? Then you do it again a different way. The thing about risk that people fail to realize is that it comes in many forms. You have that person who quits a job and sinks their savings into a new venture. You have someone that decides to drive Uber for a year so they can go back to school without a loan. You have people that leave their current position to start entry level at a new company. Each one of these things require a leap of faith, but they’re all planned, not random. When I say take a risk, I’m talking about your game plan along with your execution. I don’t give a fuck if you’re stripping or if you work as a sales associate. Formulate your next move, know what you need to do, then go for it. This could take you two years of saving and planning or it could take you a month. It’s better to take that risk than to drown in the mediocrity of living a life you’re bored with.
“I hear you, but I need money to do what I want to,” There you go with more excuses. There are always to generate more income, the real question is are you willing to do them. If you’re at a crappy job that’s promoted you six times and you’re making more than you could make somewhere else at your skill level, you may not want to walk away and start over or go back to school. Don’t blame money for you staying in place, blame your lack of hunger. If you are in debt and barely have enough money to cover your bills each month, you can take on a part time job or do something freelance, and all it will cost you is sleep and free time. Don’t blame money, blame yourself for being too good or to too lazy to hustle.
Sacrifices must be made If you want to move ahead. I used to give advice to a young woman who moved back in with her mother, went back to school, and became one of the younger execs at one of the big banks. She went from 40k a year to a quarter million a year, and it wouldn’t have happened if she worried about losing that weak ass 40k. Look at the true story that inspired the movie Joy, that woman risked it all, with kids, and now she’s a million-dollar brand. Taking a part time job to earn more, getting a side hustle, limiting your spending habits, networking with investors, taking out loans, if you really want to raise capital for something, you can put your mind to it and figure that part out. The problem is, you don’t want to hustle. You’re comfortable, you live good enough to buy nice shoes, the latest phone, and keep up with the rest of your struggling friends. Even thought you KNOW you can do better you don’t want to take two steps back to take another five steps forward. Again, who’s fault is that? Blame it on your lack of courage, not money. Money is everywhere, the amount of people that’s willing to do what it takes to get are few and far between.
Self Motivation 101
Put Up Reminders: KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO ATTRACT INTO YOUR LIFE. Stalk that vision, obsess over that goal, but most importantly keep it front in center daily so you know that it’s coming. What good is that vision board or Journal if it’s out of sight? Your bedroom mirror should have a daily reminder taped to it to smack you in the face every time you’re getting ready to go out. Your refrigerator, your desk at work, anywhere there is space you should be bombarding yourself with pictures of your business idea, your goal body, your dream house, the place you will one day rank on Forbes, etc… you can’t forget things that are constant.
Set Deadlines: When are you going to be finished that new business plan? When do you plan on having the money you need saved? When is that website going to be up? When are you going to have the designs done for your product? When are you going to put in your two weeks’ notice at that old shitty job? Always set deadlines to do things because deadlines keep you honest. Every phone has an alarm and calendar, utilize them. Set notifications, take it seriously, pull all nighters like it’s college, but never ever miss your deadline or you’re cheating yourself.
Hold Yourself Accountable: How much TV did you watch this week? How much time did you spend on your phone scrolling social media? How much time did you waste shopping for shit you don’t need or looking up pointless gossip that doesn’t benefit you? Now compare that to the time you put into yourself: Building your brand, taking classes, researching, meditating, reading a book, going out to network with people that can help you, and all the other productive acts. Who cares what a reality star said or who liked your picture on Instagram. Get. To. The. Money. If more of your time was used working for other people or on trivial things than it was working for yourself or benefiting your mind or body, then you deserve to be where you are in life. You are responsible for your success, not luck. Even now that you are woke to the fact that you must put in the work, you may still drag your feet. That’s why you need to recognize what you’re doing with your time, add it up each week, and keep yourself honest!
“Life is very short and anxious for those who forget the past, neglect the present, and fear the future. – Seneca
Tomorrow Isn’t Promised: Think about death, not in a 16-year-old goth girl kind of way, but in terms of a ticking time clock. Your time in this world could be over tomorrow. Everything you wanted to do and could have done doesn’t matter. It’s over. No going back. Ask yourself right now, in the privacy of your own head, “What’s the crowing achievement of my life if I don’t wake up tomorrow.” Some of you have to go back to high school to the last time you were truly happy, others don’t have anything to hang your hat on in terms of personal achievements. Why is that? Is it because you can’t or because you haven’t tried? This isn’t a fairy tale where you get to come back and do it all over again. You get one shot, make the most of it as if time is running out—because it is.
The F Word
Do you have faith in yourself to win against all odds? I’m talking about an undeniable belief that you can go out and get what you want? This world isn’t some random series of events that just happen to you, it’s your mind at work. You’re reading these words right now because it’s what you need to be reading. Something probably distracted you while reading, a phone beep, a strange noise, etc… maybe you started and came back, or only scanned a few lines. Why? Because a fearful mind is constantly running away from the things it’s afraid to know and accept.
A lot of you believe in higher powers and you have no problem putting faith in the church, or a philosophy, or even other people. What happens when you turn that inward is that you tap into the reality that you are a supreme being? If you channel that invincible feeling of faith in self, you will develop true confidence in every aspect of life. If you move with unwavering confidence, you will achieve goal after goal, almost to the point of feeling that something miraculous is having. It’s not a miracle, it’s not supernatural, it’s the power of knowing the Truth. You are who you think you are. Every morning you wake up you tell yourself a story about how your day will go, one is the conscious “I hope it goes good” the other is the subconscious “but watch it go bad” because you’ve trained yourself to be limited in what you can and can’t do. Positive thinking doesn’t go deep enough to eliminate your lack of faith in yourself. You must rewrite your past until you scrape out the brainwashed portions of your brain and realize you aren’t a bystander, you’re the center of this universe.
Who you want to be isn’t who you are now, and that’s okay. Stop pressuring yourself to make up for lost time overnight and stop being negative when things don’t go as planned. Healthy and lasting change happens in steps not strides, so set daily goals, hold yourself accountable, and have faith in yourself. Confidence creates opportunity and you’re always one smart decision away from a totally different life.
To be continued… when you’re ready.
Thanks for reading You Got This – Self Motivating Yourself Even When You Don’t Feel Like It